I have been a horrible blogger this past couple of weeks, and I decided that before I blast into outer space on my own personal rocket ship and leave anyone who might be worried wondering where I am (again), I would give an update on what’s going on in my life, and why I might not be as active in the future.
To begin – and I don’t want to say this, but it feels important that I be honest – last Saturday, I had an anxiety attack. I’ve had Generalized Anxiety Disorder since I was sixteen, maybe before, but I’ve never had an attack as bad as that one. I scared the shit out of my parents. The truth is that having graduated this year, I’ve been stressing myself sick while I try to figure out what I plan to do with my life. I’d decided to take a gap year, but then I began to wonder if that was a mistake, and I didn’t have a job or anything to fall back on, and I wasn’t doing anything to better the situation – on and on and on.
Eventually, I calmed down. I started to think of short-term instead of long-term goals – things that I wanted to accomplish in the next year instead of the next ten years. Narrowing my scope actually made me feel a lot better, because then it was easy: First of all, I wanted a job. It didn’t have to be glamorous, but I wanted a source of income so I could become financially independent. Second of all, I wanted to earn my driver’s license. My disorder has inhibited me from driving in the past, and so I’ve had to rely on alternate transportation – and I’ve grown sick of it. I live in a very rural area, and the nearest store is about seven miles from my house. The bus system is sketchy at best and the taxi service is shit. Thus, the rational course of action is to learn how to drive.
Now, things have begun to look up. I actually do have a job, though I haven’t started yet. It’s definitely not glamorous at all – it’s a starter job, at the general store in my crack of a town – but I’m pissed enough at myself that even if the work is grueling, I plan to keep it until a better opportunity crosses my path. I have also begun to drive, and even though I am still scared to death that I’m going to hit something/someone, I’ve found that I actually do like driving. It helped when I realized that no one, and I mean no one, is a perfect driver.
It is because of said job that I might not be around to post much; it will probably take me a lot longer to finish a book. Additionally, because I’m focusing on real life, I’ll be putting less attention to reviews and updating my blog. This is troublesome because I decided that I want to be an editor – there is actually a really funny story behind that, by the way – and because, even if no one else cares about it, I’m still passionate about Project Bungou Stray Dogs. I’ve decided that I will post when I have the time and review when I want to, instead of forcing myself to juggle too many things at once.
So, that is all. I am not going away completely, but in case I’m not around as often, I wanted to let everyone know. The last thing that I want is to abandon this blog and this community that I’ve grown so fond of. You are all so caring and supportive, and I don’t want to leave any of you behind.
Until we meet again. ❤
(^I just started watching Uta no Prince-Sama. I don’t know if it’s the worst or the best thing that’s ever happened to me.)